My First Blog Entry

Thank you for stopping by.  My name is Lisa Simmons and this is my first Blog.  I have been writing a daily reflections on my Facebook page since the beginning of October.  I have found this to be very therapeutic and popular with my friends, so I decided to broaden reach to the rest of the world.  I hope you find this helpful and entertaining.  I also hope it can assist you to reflect on your own life.

This is how I see myself

 I am going to begin by adding the first twenty reflections that I have written in order to have them all in one place.

But this is who I am - with my best friend and sidekick Buffy

Reflection day 1 - 10/1/12
How do describe "TRUST" - or give an example.

Reflection day 2 - 10/2/12 - I almost forgot...
Today I took time to do something for myself. What did you do for yourself today?

Reflection October 3, 2012 - a dear friend made my day and thinking of her and her recent events I will be asking to see a dermatologist to begin annual skin checks for melanoma. Take your health into your own hands.

Reflection October 4, 2012 - just because you have credit doesn't mean you should use it. I have officially removed my credit cards from my wallet. I CAN NOT make myself cut them up. But this time I am going to make progress with debt reduction. Check outwww.powerpay.org

if you need help. My money coach recommended it to me.

Reflection day 5 & 6. I missed last night. I got a text that someone I was hoping to meet was in Wells. I sent him to Duffy's in Kennebunk and rode out to meet him. He was sweet, kind, and has a great smile. It was so spur of the moment I went as I was. So there were no smoke and mirrors. I was who I am, Harley riding, work boot wearing, jeans and t-shirt girl. No makeup, hair by Harley and a genuine smile. Lesson: Be yourself. It's way easier to maintain that image! Today, I got a text from another friend I've been talking with asking if I wanted to dinner. I said sure but mom was coming too. Fun night, I couldn't get a word in edgewise. Not my kind of guy but sweet, gentle and a great smile too. Lesson: never pass up a chance to meet new friends. It's the only way to know and stop wondering.

Reflection 10/8: I asked a week or so ago, who do you trust and why? But today I want to know how do you trust yourself? We have all made mistakes and we try to make better choices in life but how do we trust ourselves to make the right, moral, and safe choices for ourselves? We are better at making those for others. How do you do it?

Reflection 10/9: it's amazing how an image, a smell, a taste or a sound can bring memories flooding back in a split second. My heart leapt straight to my throat thus morning and my day was a mess from all the extra emotional baggage it left behind. What was the trigger? A vehicle, same color and model and the first two characters of the license plate matched another that was near and dear. I guess my emotions were running high because mom had just drove (or rode as the case may be) into the sunrise. Cherish the time you have. No one knows how fast it will be gone. I love you mom. And for those other memories? There will always be a place in my heart for you.

Reflections 10/10: "that's how I roll" we have all heard it and may have said it. For me, it means that I am what I am; I'm trying hard to say how I feel, what I think, and why. I am true to myself. I may have not always been a good daughter, a good friend, a good spouse, a good coworker, or a good person in the past. But... I CAN try to be those things in the future. My actions are matching my words. My words are my promise. Someone read my online dating site profile and commented to me "I read your profile. You’re about as down to earth as possible. With a sense of honor." That's how I roll.

Reflection 10/11: where is your "dark side"? Is it a place you retreat to when you are hurt or broken? Is it a secret that you hold from the rest of the world? Truth is we all have a dark side. Mine washes over me like a fierce storm cloud sometimes, complete with rain, hail, wind, and chaos. I had a moment tonight. I'm not sure what brought it on but once it was here it became its own entity and tried to engulf me. Luckily I have great friends in this little device I hold in my hand. I had three with me in a moment’s notice. Reminding me that what I was mourning wasn't good for me anyway, another that tomorrow is a new day and if I start the day on a happy note and keep that happy thought growing throughout the day it will overtake that dark cloud, and most importantly the third friend reminded me that I am not alone. There are other people looking for what they need to get out of their own dark place. I don't know if my reflections are helping anyone out here. But I hope they are at least giving you something to reflect on in your own lives. As for me... I need a new dark side... This one doesn't have any damn cookies!

Reflections 10/12: relationships and marriage, I have seen some that work, some that don't and even a few that shouldn't. We all struggle to find our soul mates. We sometimes think we have found them only to find out that a piece was missing or the link was broken my mistrust or abuse. But sometimes the links really are forever. For example, I have some very dear friends who are still very much in love after many years together. They still touch each other and speak to each other with warmth and respect. I know another dear couple that I met right here in Facebook. They both worked on my Farmtown farm for me and we became what I would consider close friends, I am even close with their daughter. These people work hard every day to keep their relationships strong, new fibers of time are wound to tighten the bonds. They inspire me with their devotion to each other. I was married to my soul mate and we let the bond weaken and wither. For one reason or another we couldn't make it work. But one bond remained and that was the love and respect I have for Steve. Should we have worked harder at our relationship? Hindsight says yes but I think God was preparing me and knew that I would not be able to handle when he became sick and passed. To this day I get choked up thinking about him and regretting my choices. But I can't go back, I need to move forward and if a new love finds me I will work daily at strengthening the bond and adding fibers of trust and understanding to that bond. I just pray that I haven't wasted my one chance. What do you do to keep your bond strong?

Reflections 10/14: Depression may be described as feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods. True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer. I have been diagnosed and am being treated. I told someone that I had recently met this a few weeks ago. They called me a liar today. When I asked him what I had lied about he said. "Since I met you, you seem to be out a lot and happy. You're always on your motorcycle and that seems to keep you happy. You just don't seem to be somebody with depression issues." I told him that I had to force myself to go out and do things. That if I stayed home and wallowed I would be crying uncontrollably. I find things to do to keep myself busy and not let depression get the best of me. I see what it has done to other members of my family and I decided to get help. I didn't turn to illegal drugs or alcohol but sought help of a professional. It seems to be working. If you or someone you love shows signs of depression and you want to learn more about this disorder you can go to http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001941/ and PLEASE don't just tell them to "suck it up" or "stop being grumpy" because they don't have any control over it. Trust me, no one wants to feel this way.

Reflections 10/15: I'm sure you have all heard that U2 song Still Haven't Found What I Am looking For. What ARE we looking for? I was recently asked what I was looking for in a relationship. I really couldn't answer. I thought about it long and hard (no pun intended here). I answered that I'm looking for a long term, someone who will accept me as I am. Someone who will make me a priority as that is how I am when in a relationship. But what does that really mean? "Make me a priority" Well today, I learned about "The 5 A's" Acceptance, Affection, Allowing, Appreciation, and Attention. Acceptance for being who you are, how you look, and having your own personality. Affection makes us feel lovable. Allowing gives us freedom to pursue our deepest needs, values and wishes. Appreciation generates self-worth and Attention from others leads to self respect. I did not make these up, they are from a book by David Richo's book "How to be an Adult in Relationships" It is a start to make me think about what I what I do want and what I should probably should give. I think the hardest one I could give is Allowing... this one makes me anxious. If I allow, will he find something better? Will he find something he is passionate about that I can’t do or keep up with? I guess I will have to work on this one more. My question to you tonight, what do you want or make your relationship work?

Reflections 10/16: wow, what a roller coaster ride today was. Work was busy, appointment after work, getting ready for a first date with lobsta boy and I felt the earth move under my feet. I would have sworn a car hit the house. Once all that excitement settled down I posted that I was on my way to meet the man of my dreams. I hopped on the bike and off I went to Pats Pizza in Scarborough. He met me with a great big hug! The date went well. I got some questions answered and I will see him again. But that's not what I want to talk about today. When I posted my status, I got comments and likes; it warms my heart that no matter how I feel or act I ALWAYS have my peeps here watching out for me. In the same way I watch out for my peeps. If they seem sad or down I try to give encouragement if they are happy I rejoice with them. Facebook started out as Farmtown for me. A friend gig me hooked but as the time went in and we moved away from Farmtown, the friends I have made along the harvests have lasted. To tonight I thank Facebook for bringing me closer to my friends old new and future.

Reflections 10/17: Honesty is a very big word. As I go through the POF (plenty of fish dating website) profiles, is see that everyone is looking for an honest person. Who would want to look for a dishonest person? As I move forward in my quest for love I am finding the one person I really need to be honest with is myself. What do I REALLY want in a relationship? Am I really a down-to-earth lady? Do I really want a long term relationship or just a buddy to hang out with and have a good time? To be honest... it changes from day to day and with every person I meet. But when I am getting the "first meeting/chat interview" I am honest. I figure what have I got to lose? If I fib it only comes back to bite me in the ass later.

There are degrees of honesty finding a wallet and returning it to the owner with all the cards and money accounted for, telling a friend you love her new outfit when you think it's really hideous, getting too much change back from a clerk and giving her back the overage, or telling someone you are doing great when you want to curl up in a ball and cry all day. As I work through my daily tasks honesty is challenged all the time. But does that make me dishonest? I could be less brutally honest sometimes. I have been called "snarky" which when I hear this word I think "bitch". Ya sometimes I am snarky. I can be brutally honest when asked my opinion. 

About.com says "Friends don't want you to lie to them, but they also don't need you to lay your negative opinions on them. There is a balance between honesty and just blurting out words that can harm for years to come. Filter yourself to make sure you respond without jealousy or anger, which can also add to brutal honesty rather than gentle honesty." I have a hard time with filters as most of you probably know by now. I say what I mean and mean what I say. If I hurt your feelings, TELL ME. I may not even realize it and you should be honest with me. I will try to be nicer next time.

Reflections 10/18: This says it all. I tend to over think everything when it comes to "relationships". Was it something I said, was it something I did, or wore, or or and and... I always want to help, heal, and protect. I get that from my mother. I don't know any other way. But one thing I read wayyyyyy back when I was 16 years old and my heart was broken (can't even remember by who) I remember I was with my BFF Bonnie, taking care of a Horse named Andromeda. There was a newspaper and I always read Ann Landers so I turned to that page. I copied it down and still have that copy. I try to remember this when I start having anxiety over what is happening in the guy’s head. This is what it said. 

"Comes The Dawn
Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn."

Reflections 10/19: perspective - a mental view or outlook. Everyone has opinions and views on what it right or wrong. But as we roll into these last few weeks before the election I would like to give you my perspective on question 1 here in Maine. As most of you know I've been divorced a few times. I don't regret marrying the men I did but in hindsight it may not have been the right choice at the right time. Will I ever marry again? Who the hell knows or cares! However I had/have a CHOICE to marry. Many of my friends are currently not allowed to marry their beloved ones because in the dictionary it says marriage is between a man and a woman. Well Wikipedia says "Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people called spouses that create kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union is often formalized via a wedding ceremony. In terms of legal recognition, most sovereign states and other jurisdictions limit marriage to two persons of opposite sex or gender in the gender binary, and some of these allow polygynous marriage. Since 2000, several countries and some other jurisdictions have legalized same-sex marriage. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity." The term is evolving just like nature does. But even before lexicographers one very wise man said "Marriage is the union of two different surnames, in friendship and in love, in order to continue the posterity of the former sages, and to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to heaven and earth, at those in the ancestral temple, and at those at the altars to the spirits of the land and grain. ~ Confucius". I say let everyone who can vote, or serve our country, or pay taxes have the RIGHT TO CHOOSE who they can marry. How can it hurt YOU, me, or anyone for that matter, to let two people who love each other marry? That's my perspective. Please share yours. VOTE!

Reflections 10/20: today was a mix for me. I woke up early, did some cruising on Facebook and POF but decided that I needed to sleep more. So I closed my eyes and woke up at 11:40. Keep in mind that I didn't go to sleep until after 2:00. I got up and had my usually cups of coffee while visiting with my virtual neighbor Paula Jean in MA. I also started chatting with a new friend from POF. After a text from my gallooping buddy I showered and she picked me up for grocery shopping. As I stepped outside I realized that I had been lazing away a beautiful day. So as soon as the goods were stashed in my cupboards, goggles, jacket, gloves were donned and poodle started jumping excitedly. I knew lily wouldn't mind hanging out alone for a few hours. We headed to our favorite short spin route to camp Ellis and as we headed down Beach Street Buffy saw a couple of wedding parties taking photos at our first stop. Since she was already barking like crazy because I had slowed down making the crowds of people turn and laugh, I decided to skip the Laurel Hill cemetery. If you have never just driven through you really should. So off we continued down to Ferry Rd where one of my POF friends was working in his yard. A quick stop to say hello and a hug and off we went. At this point a thick fog had rolled in and the beautiful day had turned dreary. But we stayed our course because we are in Maine after all. If you don't like the weather, just wait a minute. Next stop Camp Ellis pier to take some foggy pictures. There was a muffled, soft, quiet in the air (once I shut off the bike and Buffy stopped barking that is). I snapped a few pics and took in a few deep breaths and off we went to Pine Point. The fog combined with the high tide made for a peaceful slow spin to OOB. We pulled into the park at OOB but all the spaces were taken so we kept moving. As we rode down East Grand we got lots of points and smiles. As we rolled into the parking area at pine point fisherman's co-op we saw a flock of gulls take off. We parked and snapped some pictures. So off we went back towards OOB we saw Steve in his yard so we stopped for Buffy to say hello. It was getting colder and foggier so we decided to head homeward but as we drove out of OOB and into Saco the sun reemerged for the fog and it was warm and we decided to take the long way home. It was this ride down South Street in Biddeford to Rt 5 to Boom road that my urge to take pictures overpowered me. I stopped almost everywhere my mouth dropped from nature’s beauty. The leaves, bare trees against rich green grass, the blue cloudy sky and the gorgeous setting sun. This is my favorite time of day. When there is a burst of color and the earth slowly closes her eyes and allows the darkness to blanket the beauty. This is the time of day when most people wind down their busy days, gather the family together for dinner or family time. For me, I feed the fur kids, do my chores, cruise FB to see what the rest you were doing. You are my family and I'm glad to be able to share a few minutes with you. Thank you.