Today I....

Today I noticed:

Today while driving to work I notice a FedEx driver laughing his head off in his truck while driving down the road.  I guess I am not the only one who talks to myself and cracks myself up.  Whether I am on my bike or in my car, I always look at the other drivers while I drive down the road.  Most of the time on the way to work they are half asleep or putting on makeup.  Though one day this week there was a lady reading the paper while driving.  That isn't too bright if you ask me.  If I am on the bike and see people texting or not paying attention I sometimes ride up next to them and tell them to cut that crap out.  Though there was one lady who just happened to be looking at her hands or something.  I apologized to her.

Today I felt:

Today I felt really REALLY tired.  I slept really well (or I thought I did anyway).  I got a solid 8 hours of sleep with only one little pee break for Buffy (and myself too).  I do have to say that my dreams have been very lucid and vivid these last few days.  I have been "working" all night long a lot from what I can remember.  I know that it is going to be a long day when I dream about sleeping.  You would think that would be like double dipping but nope, still tired.

Today I am grateful for:

Today I am grateful for a good job.  The companies that I work for are both good to their employees and compensate for jobs well done. Throughout my life I have been laid off several times and fired a few times though I am still scratching my head over those.  I have always been able to land on my feet.  There have been setback but each time I find a good position that may not pay as well but does appreciate me for my work ethic. I am glad I don't have to punch a time clock most days though.

Today I realized:

Today I realized that even though I don't have love, I am loved.  Maybe the person I need isn't quite ready for me yet and I just have to give it time. I have hope for the future.

Blessed ... But...

As most people who know me at all are aware, I do not like holidays. It's getting harder and harder to remember the last time I enjoyed them. I think it goes back at least 9 or 10 years now. I used to love the gatherings of friends and family, the decorating and the lights. I used to love shopping for just the perfect gift for someone and wrapping it. Now not so much. I see the trees in people's homes and people shopping and it makes me sad. I used to love the music and would sing at the top of my lungs. Now if I hear them all I hear is sadness and quickly change the station. I want to find Christmas again. I keep looking and maybe someday I will find it.

http://youtu.be/TQqZU14kgOg

Personality types and typos

A few years ago my company required everyone to participate in a Meyers Briggs Type Indicator (BMTI) test to see where we fit in the big picture. Each person is assigned 1 out of the 16 personality types. extraversion (E), sensing (S), thinking (T), judgment (J) introversion (I), intuition (N), feeling (F), perception (P) I happen to be ENFP. Basically it means I am an extravert who uses intuition over sensing, feeling over thinking, and perception over judging. After we took the test we went along our daily lives. Well thankfully I work for a great company who actually invests in their employees. Today I participated in a follow up 5 hour class that explained so much about what those letters mean and the differences between the types. I had an epiphany! We should teach this in high school. Or have it required before marriage licenses are issued. If I knew what triggers introverts to crawl into their shells I could have possible avoided two marriages and eventually divorces. I could have learned how to better communicate with an introvert. Like how was I supposed to know that constant talking would drive them deeper? So over the next few weeks I am going to dig deeper and see what else I can find out about myself. If you would like to know more about the MBTI you can read about it here. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator#section_1

Taming the Squirrel

How many of us live our lives on full screech mode? I know I do. I think a thought, push it to the back of my brain file cabinet to reflect on "someday" and never get back to it or forget what the original thought was to begin with. This week when I went to visit my wonderful shrink, I thought hmmm I'll bring a pad of paper and a pen and take notes. The first thing I wrote down was "tame the squirrel" I always feel like a squirrel rushing around trying to get all my nuts in a row and they always end up all over the damn place with no two nuts in the same spot! So this is why I'm reflecting. Like I said in a previous blog, I have to organize my thoughts and noodle them through so I can make them sound somewhat coherent when I get them on here for you to read. I recently had an opportunity to take a seminar on strategic thinking. I took notes to share some ideas on setting up a personal mission statement. If I can find my notes I will write about how to do it and what mine is. Now if I make myself do the same thing with house work maybe I could have a clean house! Nah one mountain at a time!

It's been a while

I'm sorry that it has been so long. I had a setback and lost the desire to share very much. I now realize that I need to share what it bothering me or I'm feeling in order to get it out of my head or my heart. I feel better when I write and not weighed down. I think it makes me think it through and deal with it so I can write coherently.

So tonight I need to be true to myself. I need to trust myself. And I need to honor myself as I would my best friend.

Create a personal mission statement

Personal mission statement... you become what you think about. In one of my recent seminars I attended on strategic thinking and goal planning we were told to create a personal mission statement. Successful businesses and successful people have plans goals and mission statements. I googled personal mission statement and found a plethora of examples. I copied and pasted, cut and added and below are a couple of starting points for my PMS. It's not an easy task. I encourage you to try. Use these statements as a mantra. Repeat it daily or several times a day. Edit it when things change or you change.

I will maintain a positive attitude and a sense of humor in everything I do. I want to be known by my business associates as a fair and honest person and my friends as someone they can count on to earn their respect. Controlling all my actions is a strong sense of integrity which I believe is the most important character trait.

For myself, I want to develop self-knowledge, self-love, and self-allowing. I want to use my healing talents to keep hope alive and express my vision courageously in work and action. In my family, I want to build healthy, loving relationships in which we let each other become our best selves. At work, I want to establish a fault-free, self-perpetuating, learning environment. In the world, I want to nurture the development of all life forms, in harmony with the laws of nature.

They May Not Be Human But They Are Still My Kids

I have had them all kittens, puppies, ponies, horses, cows, rabbits, hamsters, gerbils, chickens, ducks, and even a few fish. I grew up on a farm. I am the youngest of four kids. They were all older so I was left to amuse myself most of the time. I spent hours playing and talking to my fur friends. They all listened to me and we had our own languages. Even now my furkids and I have our own language.  I have songs for each one. My day starts with Buffy letting me know my alarm has gone off the maximum four times and she says “no more five more minutes’ mom!  I have to pee!.  I stumble out of bed, down the stairs for Buff to go and I grab a coffee (thank you Mr. Coffee maker timer).  Buffy barks once to let me know she is done. Off we go upstairs for shower.  I walk into the bathroom and Lucy peaks out of the shower curtain, ready for her job.  She tests the water for me to make sure that it’s just right.  Yes, she showers with me. We sing along together. “I have three good girls, one is covered in curls, they have teeth and like to bite but I still love them with all my might!”  Then there is “Lucy Goosey she’s my pretty kitty, Harley Marley she’s so itty bitty, Buffy Duffy she’s my bestest buddy, I am just the luckiest Mommy… in the whole wide world!” of course this was composed when Harley was a kitten.  I can also whistle and they all come running.  I can click my tongue and they know what I want.  And forget if I just want to sing along to the radio. Mom reminded me a while ago of when I was learning to play the clarinet in school I would go way down in the pasture so no one could hear me struggling.  I never realized it but she said she would look down out and see me sitting on a rock and all the cows had gathered around to listen to me.  I can imagine how that must looked and I never realized it. When I get home in the evening now, my three are all at the door waiting for the key to turn to great me.  When I was tossing Buffy treats one night Harley would go sit next to her.  One night I tossed her one and she caught it in her paws and popped it into her mouth.  Now all three get their special treats every night. When I sit in my recliner to write or watch TV, as right now, there is a poodle to my right, Lucy to my left and Harley on the back of the chair.  Same when I go to bed.  Buffy is spooning with me, Lucy is either on my hip or stomach (occasionally right on my bladder!) And Harley is on my headboard watching over us.  She will come and keep my feet warm for me too.  I have had to help many over the Rainbow Bridge to wait for me at the other side when it is my time.  It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.  But my theory is, furkids and humans are given the same amount of love when they enter the world.  Furkids give their love so freely and unconditionally that theirs is used up much faster and they must leave to be reborn as new furkids.  Humans not so much… maybe that is why elderly folks sometimes get cranky, they used up all their love early on and just haven’t moved on yet. So you all can have your real kids.  God knew that I couldn’t handle having that kind around so either by design or intervention he decided that I should be the Furmom. To me; that means for life.  I am not one to get a pet and not keep it through to the end as hard as that may be.  It is a choice I have made in my life.  Only two times have I ever adopted a pet and had to find a new home for them.  That was only because they were not a good fit with the other furkids in the family and they both went to fabulous homes where they fit in great. 

x